Making Joint Custody (Equal Allocation) Work – A Few Tips

When you and the other parent aren’t a unit, parenting together typically isn’t an option. Often that means parenting apart, and one of the biggest struggles you might find there is dealing with each other. How can you make joint custody (now known as allocation) work for the two of you? These tips can help:

  • Kids Come First.

There is no more important mantra the two of you need to adopt than this one. Remember, it’s not all about you, it’s about your children. The needs of your kids have to come before what either of you want, and often that’s going to mean compromise after compromise.


  • Flexibility is important.

Life happens, there are days you may be late, the other parent may be late, a family member passes, money troubles arise, etc… To hold each other to every minute and incident will only lead to tension, arguments, and taking each other back to court. This does not mean you should be complacent to recurring issues with your attempts to co-parent, ignore or have a blind eye to any and all serious situations of court order violations or placing the life of the children in danger, it simply means compromise is key. Flexibility and understanding may make co-parenting easier and even possible.


  • Communication is Key.

Talk to Each Other. Your former partner and/or other parent may be the last person you want to speak to, but if there are children involved, you don’t have a choice. Keep speaking to one another and let the other parent know when something comes up. Keep a schedule for each other, and if a problem happens for your children when they are with either of you, make sure you discuss it.


Be involved with your children. Whenever you are able to co-parent and show your children that you are a joint force with their other parent is an opportunity to grab. This includes cheering at plays, games and discussing educational progress at parent teacher conference, discussing and attending doctor’s appointments.

Does this mean you have to attend everything with the other parent? No. Does this mean you have sit next to them and mingle – No. Obviously, if you have an order of protection, then you should not violate that or put yourself in a dangerous situation. If you feel uncomfortable or your relationship with the other parent filled with tension, then the best option is to arrange, with the other parent, which parent is attending which game, play, parent teacher conference, doctor appointment, etc..

Equal Allocation and/or shared custody isn’t easy, but it is possible. To learn more about how we can help with your custody battle (i.e. Allocation battle), contact Kiswani Law, P.C.  today.